How you ever wondered how you will die? Ever thought about when it will happen? Will it be fast and painless, slow and hard? Will you be alone or will you have the one you love by your side?
– There was a time in my life i thought much about this. I was scared I would be alone, I was scared I hadn’t done enough to get remembered by anyone. I was scared of death.
– And then there came a time where I didn’t care. I wrote this note and put it in my wallet, it was something like this: “It’s Ok, I was ready to die”. That note was meant to be read by the people who might hit me with a car so they would know i was ready to die, and they should have no hard feelings. Sad you say? Maybe weird? Well, thats what I felt at the time.
– Then a third perspective came along, when I met my boyfriend. Another scary thought came over me. What if he dies before me? What will I do then? Will I be alone? Will I manage to survive without him? I didn’t think i would, and I cried myself to sleep at night praying we would die together when we had lived long and good lives, together.
All this is over. I know now that there is NOTHING I can do about death. Not the timing, not the way it will be, or if I will be alone, or leave loved once alone when I go. When I go, I believe it will be my time, and all I can do, is be a little careful when I drive a car or walk over the road, I can choose not to smoke or do drugs, and that’s about it.